cautionary tale (updated, with pictures!)

Well, to all y'all that told me not to do the half marathon, congratulations. I'm not gonna do it.


Here are some tips from the American Association of Orthopedic Surgeons:

Slowly increase any new sports activity. For example, do not immediately start running five miles a day; instead gradually build up your mileage on a weekly basis. Or, y'know, don't try and train for a half marathon in three weeks.

Use the proper equipment. Do not wear old or worn running shoes. Mine are 3 years old and have about as much cushion as Birkenstocks. I bought some new ones last week, but, y'know, too little too late.

Essentially, my last month has been spent following the Recipe For Stress Fractures to the letter. So I got one. Two and a half weeks ago, eight miles into a ten and a half miler, the top of my right foot started hurting a bit, but we were almost done, so I kept going. By the time we finished it felt like someone was stabbing a knife into the top of my foot, and I could barely walk for the rest of the day. (And I got kicked out of the hot tub too, the assholes. But you already know about that.)

But then it got better, and a few days later it didn't hurt at all. The scientist in me refuses to believe in something unless the results can be replicated, so did I stop running? Hell no. And the shorter 6.5 milers didn't hurt at all. However, another 10.5'er on Sunday brought it back, albeit as a dull pain instead of a stabbing one, but I once again found myself limping for the rest of the day and all the next day. And while I'm stubborn as hell, I'm not retarded, so this morning I went to see a carefully selected orthopedic doctor who used to be an elite triathlete, still runs marathons, and specializes in running injuries. She gave me the tough-love treatment and a huge-ass neoprene boot that goes almost to my knee and makes it impossible to go down stairs. She also told me not to ride my bike for three weeks, and while I dutifully lied and said I wouldn't, she saw right through my bullshit and called me on it. I guess that's what I get for picking a doctor who knows athletes. So then she informed me that it was my body and if I wanted to heal slower it was my decision, but I am not to stand on the pedals at all for the next month. Which is going to suck with a front derailleur that doesn't work, but I guess I'll deal.

So Tim was right. Running is bad for your health!

Now, about this half marathon. My original plan was to go ahead and do it, foot be damned, but apparently this has the potential to stick a fork in my cycling season around mid-May when all the little stresses I've been putting on it catch up to me and "bite me in the butt," in the doctor's words. Here I'd been assuming that if it doesn't hurt, it's okay, and that it was only my running career that was in danger, not cycling. And who really gives a rat's ass about my running career anyway. But, doctor knows best, and as an elite athlete herself I guess I have to believe her. But I'm pre-registered for the race, and dammit, I want my mug, if only so I have something to drink out of at the Drink Out Of Your Mug party that night. So you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to walk the 5k. In my neoprene boot. Wool socks, here I come!

Oh, and I'm going to go to Target and pick up some neon colored paint pens, so if anybody wants to drop by and sign my boot tonight or tomorrow, let me know! I'll be stylin' for sure.