annie embarks upon a career as a professional shill

This is not a picture of my bike. I am not cool enough for a Brooks saddle, yet I am vastly cooler than that seatpost. Oh, the irony.

I'm also not cool enough to have a digital camera, which is why you are seeing this bike which is not mine. If you're even still reading. I'm guessing you're unable to tear your eyes away from the untrumpable coolness which is that Banjo Brothers seatbag. Folks, I recently had the good fortune to lay my hands on one of those sweet little things, and let me tell you, now that I have one of those, all my not-cool-enough moments have been cancelled out. That bag makes me cool.

Let me tell you a story. Before that bag came along and redeemed me, I was limping along with a gigantic Cannondale seatbag big enough to carry around a shrunken head. This seatbag was soooo big that if I neglected to run one strap through one little loop on the bottom of the bag (which happened quite freqently, as another thing I am not cool enough for is properly fastening seatbags), the thing would droop down and drag on my rear wheel, causing me to a) ride slower and b) panic, pull off to the side of the road, and get left in the dust by people who did not have my seatbag problems. Not cool.

Now I am cool. I have been redeemed by this Banjo Brothers bag, which could not reach far enough down to drag on my rear wheel even if I forgot ALL the straps. It could not hold a shrunken head, either. It only holds what you need: a tube and a minitool, maybe a couple tire levers. Once you have this bag you are too cool to carry anything else anyway. It's so minimalist I can hear Phillip Glass in the background every time I look at it. Somewhere in Pennsylvania, Style Man is weeping like a little baby. And I am so cool I just might have to wear exclusively plain-black skinsuits from now on. Wait, then I'd be Chris Ferris.

I'd write more, but I'm too cool. Go get yourself a Banjo Brothers mini, yo. Then you might be cool enough for me to talk to.


Blogger Tim Jackson- Masi Guy said...

I don't have a Banjo Brothers bag, but my friends say I'm cool... but I hang with a bunch of nerds... not that it matters.

10/10/2005 4:18 PM  
Blogger Sascha said...

you are cool until you need a chain tool and neither Paula nor I are there to bail you out :)

I'm a fan of the cannondale bag just because I can carry a tube, a mini-multitool, my phone, ID, credit card, some cash, a goo or 2 and my chain tool along with some C02.

However, the banjo bros seat bag rocks for road races. I 100% admit it.

10/10/2005 5:27 PM  
Blogger Smithers said...

Banjo Bros bag? You have made the big time, congrats...

10/10/2005 9:51 PM  
Anonymous andy said...

Who carries a seat bag during a road race?

10/10/2005 11:20 PM  
Blogger Smithers said...

Come on Andy. How else are you going to carry those two inner tubes, patch kit, tire levers, mini tool, $5 in quarters, 3 power bars, 4 goo packs, map, extra chain, tail light and cell phone? Tell me that you have not been in a race where you needed all that stuff. Maybe not the track I admit (and that's a maybe), but I for sure won't race at Afton unless I am totally prepared dude. No way.

BTW, my word verification was "alwcy" as in ALWays CYcle with a bunch of crap in your saddle bag...

10/11/2005 1:57 AM  
Blogger Tim Jackson- Masi Guy said...

I can't imagine doing a Keirin without my frame pump. The thought scares me... it's just how we do it at Nationals.

10/11/2005 8:05 AM  
Blogger annie said...

My chain tool is in there, dude. But I don't go taking my chain apart every time it gets a little dirty, so I don't plan on needing it. ID, credit card, and gu fit very nicely in my jersey pockets. You didn't think the pockets were just for fashion, didja?

Tim, for future reference, what you REALLY need in the keirin is your U-lock. Haven't you learned anything from messengers?

10/11/2005 9:01 AM  
Blogger Sascha said...

ooh! Ouch! *snap* Everybody mocks the Sascha.

So I like to be a little over prepared. But what do you guys do when you're 20 miles out somewhere and get a flat in a road race? I said I only carry a tube, lever and co2.

But a big bag is still nice on a long rec ride when a girl doesn't want to sweat to death in a real jersey with pockets. And I've seen Annie ride often enough in pocketless riding clothes too. What are you planning to use then?

If I see you with a giant bag on your seat ever again, you'll be catching the shit from me lady! Oh wait, I suppose you'll skip right to the camelbak.

10/11/2005 9:25 AM  
Blogger annie said...

uh, you wait for the support car.

And you have not seen me in pocketless riding clothes! What pocketless things do you claim to have seen me in? All those tank top things have pockets, y'know.

I reserve the right to use the big bag on centuries. But it's still not cool.

10/11/2005 9:34 AM  
Blogger Tim Jackson- Masi Guy said...

Wow, it's getting serious in here...

Keirin is no place for a U-lock (apologies to my friends at Kryptonite)... sharp elbows, quick knees, a few head-butts and the occasional Team Cinzano frame pump in the spokes tactic. Hey, if I can't get'em with speed, then I have to resort to treachery. I used to have a really long axle on my rear carbon wheel that scared a few guys enough that they wouldn't bump my rear wheel for fear of taking out their own wheel. I eventually caved in and cut the axle length down... but I did it grudgingly.

Sascha could have a good point for some of the road races we have out here; the wheel support car/ truck takes forever to get to you and then the race is long gone. I can change a flat pretty damned fast now (after 22 years of this), so it might be the way to go. Don't worry Sascha, I think you're cool.

10/11/2005 12:35 PM  

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