open wide.....

Well, Shawn wins the prize for guessing the number of cavities I have. I don't yet know what the prize is. I was thinking he could dictate the topic of my next post, but if any of y'all out there in cyberspace have better ideas for a prize, let me know. But be NORMAL AND DECENT. My PARENTS read this blog.

Anyway, despite it being at least five years (maybe more, possibly even since January 1999) since I last saw a dentist, it seems that I only have one cavity! Go me! I guess it was a good thing that the Communists put that fluoride in the elementary school drinking fountains. The dental hygienist wasn't even mean to me, although she did poke my gums with a sharp stick many times, supposedly to "measure" my gums, which is not something my old dentist ever thought necessary, so I am suspicious of her actual motives. Maybe X Bunny was right. But it may have helped that the first thing I said to her was "I haven't been to a dentist in at least five years, so HAVE FUN! HAHAHAHA!" She was probably expecting to be confronted by a reeking horror with little monsters snarling at her from between furry, festering brown teeth. If they expect the worst, they will always be impressed, right? Hey, it worked for George Bush. At least for a while.

Also, it seems that this was my very first visit to a modern dentist. Perhaps they have invented lots of nifty new stuff since I last got a checkup, or perhaps my dentist in Indiana was behind the times, but instead of rinsing your mouth by swishing water around then spitting it out, they now spray water directly onto your teeth and then SUCK IT BACK OUT WITH A VACUUM. Nate was astonished at my astonishment, because apparently all dentists do this, but holy crap, guys, having a vacuum hose stuck in my mouth was quite possibly the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me. The first time it sucked up my tongue. In fact, there may be a hickey on the end of my tongue now, I haven't checked. After that I figured out how to keep it away from my tongue, but then it sucked all the air out of my lungs! Twice! The hygienist nearly peed her pants laughing. I'm glad I could provide some entertainment, but jeez. I kind of needed that air.

So that's my dentist story. I have to go back on July 12 to get that cavity filled and to get one of my old fillings (which is apparently falling apart) replaced. Hopefully I will not have any more stories, but if they bring that vacuum hose back out you never know what might happen. Seriously, it might eat me. I think it had fangs.


Blogger Pete said...

My kids call the vacuum hose at the dentist "Mr. Slurpy" and they love it!

6/23/2006 10:07 AM  
Anonymous Stan said...

The thing I find disturbing about the vacuum hose is that it's sucking all this stuff out of your mouth. That stuff has to go *somewhere*. There's a tank somewhere that collects it. But what happens to it then? It's probably considered biohazard waste and they'd have to get some poor schlub to pump the tank out and take it somewhere. Yikes.

6/23/2006 11:07 AM  
Blogger Eclectchick said...

Congrats on the only 1 cavity!! BTW, you didn't tell us what flavor of polish you had. Gosh!

Speaking of reeking horrors, as a CVT in the vet. clinic, I regularly cleaned/extracted the teeth of dogs and cats. The little mouths (i.e. poodle, dachshund) were always the worst. Think musty swamp smells and teeth falling out in your hands as you cleaned them. Oh, the pointy stick is to measure the depth of the gingival sulci - important in assessing periodental disease. We do it to dogs and cats, too. Of course, they're sleeping at the time . . .

6/23/2006 12:11 PM  
Blogger annie said...

It was cinnamon. I asked about pina colada, but they didn't have it.

6/23/2006 1:14 PM  
Blogger Eclectchick said...

Ha! Cinnamon is the BEST!

My dentist now uses the newest polishing technique - it feels just like sandblasting must if you're a building. AND it tastes exactly like baking soda. Blecch!!!

6/23/2006 1:57 PM  
Anonymous Dad said...

Well, Peter has a vacuum hose but the patients probably got tired of tongue hickeys so he doesn't use it routinely. He still uses it when he needs really dry contitions to do repair #27-1/2 on my favorite molar and I have too much hardware in my mouth to spit.

He's a good guy. Currently he's helping me figure out how best to fill the pits of a pitviper. Let's see if your readers can figure that one out.

6/23/2006 6:59 PM  
Blogger X Bunny said...

oh yes
they measure the depths of your gums and tell you had bad they are

then they tell you what you need to do to make it better (floss correctly and come see them more often) so you do that and they check again and nothing is better

so they tell you more stuff to do and then you go back.....

i think you get the picture


6/24/2006 5:54 PM  
Blogger Shawn Kielty said...

Wow -- I won -- I can't wait to see what the prize will be. Dad, are these live pit vipers? I suggest removing their heads before trying to fill the pits.

6/24/2006 8:47 PM  
Blogger Shawn Kielty said...

I think I would use Rtv Silicone thinned with white gas and injected with a syringe. Fill the pitviper pits -- not Annie's cavity, if you're wondering.

6/24/2006 8:51 PM  
Blogger Shawn Kielty said...

O -- one other thing -- I will try to be civil and decent.

How about the final exam question from my graduate seminar in Post Modernism?

6/24/2006 8:56 PM  
Blogger annie said...

I wasn't bagging on Peter, he is a good guy for sure. He has pina colada flavored toothpaste, after all.

Shawn dearest, I can sling po-mo vocabulary with the best of 'em, but I make NO guarantees about graduate level stuff. But you are the winner, so I guess if that's what you want, have at it....

6/25/2006 12:49 PM  
Anonymous Annie's Daddy said...


Well, it depends on the question, but sometimes they are alive. See Science News, 163:388. Hope the link copied; otherwise try my web page, 3rd listing under publications.

6/26/2006 10:46 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home