i'm super, thanks for asking

Yesterday in the mail I got one of those "four years of tuition was just the tip of the iceberg, sucka, send us more money please" letters from my fine alma mater. Those guys are getting quite sneaky there in the money-grubbing office. For the peer-pressure angle, they listed the names of everyone in my graduating class who has donated money in the last six months, as well as the rough amount that they donated. Two of the guys that lived on my floor freshman year seem to have made it big, judging by the fact that their donations each roughly equaled one of my paychecks, and while one of them was clearly a computer genius from the beginning (but he borrowed my fishnet stockings once, and wore them, and I have photographic evidence), I cannot figure out for the life of me what this other doofus did to get himself that much money. I mean, this is the guy who occupied himself by wandering into my friend's dorm room uninvited and opening her underwear drawer to see what was inside. The world is just not fair.

Anyway, apparently they were concerned that the peer pressure angle wouldn't be enough, so they came up with a second incentive: Superhero Status! In order to be a Superhero, you have to a) donate twice as much as you donated last year, and b) put the little superhero sticker on your donation form. Now, I wouldn't mind being a superhero. Hell, I spend enough time in spandex already, all I need is a cape and I'm good to go. And last year I donated exactly no money, and twice as much as zero is still zero, so I am considering putting the sticker on the form and mailing it in with no money. Super!

Superhero this, assholes. I ain't donating a cent until my annual salary exceeds your annual tuition.